The Terrible Land of Snoz

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The Terrible Land of Snoz

Thu, 05/21/2020 - 11:44
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GOOFY STUFF

by VINCENT CARDEGIN

AWARD WINNING COLUMNIST

When my grandkids were little (the second batch is now 14 years old) we watched The Wizard of Oz.  It used to come on between Thanksgiving and Christmas, on network television, back when I was young, and continued to do so for many years later.  But this Spring I discovered it playing on some cable channel and I recorded it.  A few days later I tried to watch the famous movie, but I couldn’t; it was out of place in my world. I deleted it before it turned color.

   But that snippet reminded me of a song I sang to all my grandkids back when they had piggies instead of toes.  I’m pretty sure it came to me when one of them had a runny nose.  

Sneeze in here, sneeze out there
Sneezing that way because
That’s how I pass the time away
In the terrible land of Snoz

Dabbing the snot, cold not hot
Wiping that way because
That’s how I pass the time away
In the terrible land of Snoz.

   I use up all the tissues in the box
   And hide the snotwads under garden rocks
   Don’t tell mom!

Pick pick here, pick pick there
Picking my nose because
That’s how I pass the time away
In the terrible land of Snoz

Picking my nose with my toes
Picking that way because
That’s how we’ll pass the time away
In the terrible land
The terrible land
The terrible land of Snoz

   Yeah, that last stanza was all about piggies.  A couple of years ago I tried to sing the song to my youngest grandsons when they were sitting in my living room.  They simply glanced up from their phones, gave me a worried look, and went back to texting.  They used to dance with me about it.  Oh well.

   Many months earlier I discovered a strange effect of writing.  When focused on my computer screen, the symptoms of my cold disappeared.  A half second after I realized it, my eyes resumed itching and my nose continued stinging and draining.  (I don’t know what all that sneezing is for, but it sure doesn’t get rid of whatever’s making me have to!)  I’ve tried to make that happen on purpose, but it doesn’t work.  Clearly it’s a brain game.  Somewhere deep in the many unknown regions of the mind there are tantalizing synaptic connections we cannot intentionally control, even when the affliction and its remedy are consciously apparent.  That really pisses me off.  I would love to change my perceptions, especially when I’m sick, and most particularly when my moustache is damp and crusting with mucosal debris.  [email protected]
  

News: You can now find The Papa Files (2019’s Goofy Stuff) on Kindle from Amazon.  Just go to Amazon and type in Vincent Cardegin.  Of course, the articles are not as alarming as the cover.

 

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