Goofy Stuff

Rules of Convenience

All around the house I’m annoyed by the inconvenience of things.  Most notably on a daily basis is the rustic tray full of farming knickknacks my wife has on the coffee table that blocks the remote from my recliner.  My choices are to hold the remote higher to change channels or move the tray, which is what I eventually do. Sure, that’s not a lot of work, but it’s inconvenient because she keeps putting it back.

Sayer of the Shows (Part Two of Two)

Occasionally we didn’t get TV Guide.  I don’t know if it’s because we couldn’t afford it that week or if Mom or Dad just didn’t get to the store on time.  Later, when I was old enough to go to the store by myself, I discovered that the guide always sold out real quick.  There were some Saturdays when I was able to snatch up the last copy, and others when the rack was bare.  When that happened, we’d have to get a newspaper.  But now and then we didn’t even have that.

Everything I throw away

Now and then an archeology documentary includes a segment about ancient dump sites.  Some are packed with shells and various aquatic remains, while many are full of broken ceramics and bones of domesticated animals.  I wonder, did ancient people have garbage collectors?  Were old chariots bought for cheap by their sanitation department and used to collect weekly refuse?  What about the pre-wheel people?  Yeah, they had to walk to their dumps.


My wife saw a snake slither from one of the bushes growing just outside the east garage door,
next to the AC unit, so I cut them down. It was a black snake, not venomous, and its presence is
probably why I haven’t encountered mice or bigger things in this new neighborhood.

Too Many Corners

Three years ago I could mow the lawn in peace, with a weekly expectation that it would take me less than two hours to finish. But then my wife started watching gardening shows  Have you seen Victory Garden? Her’s is nothing like that. Have you seen the movie Labyrinth? Yeah, like that.

Every day a happy day

For years I marked the end of each day with an X on my calendar. Then for years I didn’t mark it at all, and I sometimes got confused about what day it was.  Later I used a diagonal line, from bottom left corner to top right, and sometimes top left corner to bottom right, and then I switched back to Xs during my three years in Germany.  Oh, I had a lot fun there, but it wasn’t home.  Plus, they are very similar to us—not exotic at all—and they are a lot cleaner, which really annoyed me.

Goofy Stuff: ‘WWW’

When my granddaughter, Sneaks, was little—walking and talking but not yet in school—she handed me a note from her grandmother, Grammy (my wife).  The note read: “Get the turkey platter from the garage.”  It was Thanksgiving and a few years before cell phones.  I don’t know where Grammy was, but I was outside with some of our guests.  I finally found it right where I’d put it the year before, but not where I’d put it for years before that, and so it took me a while to find it.