Infants are untrained creatures that do whatever they want to do when they want to do it. They can easily pull down a valuable vase, crashing it on the floor. They must learn to obey the word “no.” This necessitates that the parents teach that word by being consistent and strong in highlighting that “no” means stop. The parent must clarify that certain behaviors should never be done again.
The list expands as the child grows. “Don’t throw things in the house,” Be gentile with the baby,” and “Don’t use that terrible word.” The number of things a child must learn as they mature also increases as they grow older. “Put away your things.” “Put your laundry in the basket.” “Clean up your mess.” The parents have to gain respect as authority figures to ensure that the child becomes more responsible.
Too many modern parents are ignorant of the fact if they do not establish the child’s boundaries and responsibilities early, they are going to create a blossoming, hard-to-live-with brat. The earlier the child learns to contribute to the family, the more they feel like an important, positive member, not a constant cause of grief. The child realizes other people start treating them more adult-like than an out-of-control child terrorist. It takes time, energy, and initiative to get a child to this level of maturity.
Many modern parents are very arrogant, believing they can keep their outside-of-the-home employment and expand their social life while successfully raising children. It takes a lot of time, effort, and coordination between adults in the home to be on the same page. If they are not, the children will learn how to manipulate the adults to get what they want, causing conflict over which childrearing approach they should take: confrontational or permissive. The permissive one is the easier one to maintain in the beginning since it involves ignoring the child in hopes he grows up well on his own. Many parents of prison inmates followed this approach. The training-confrontational one initially takes more personal involvement and follow-up but establishes expectations and standards of behavior that endure.
The earlier parental power is established, the less effort it takes to maintain control. When an infant throws his bottle, a parental slap on the hand is often sufficient. The older the child, the greater the “war” to gain control and establish dominance. The sooner a parent demonstrates they are a formidable authority, the more permanent their impact on a child.
Often, parents say that now he is a teenager and does what he wants to do when he wants. However, if the parents were consistently in charge when the child was young, the child would have learned to respect their authority, and any rebellion would usually be moderate to minimal. Teenagers often attempt to stretch the limits and then tell their parents they have the right to set their own limits.
The later parents take charge to demand their child’s obedience, the harder it is to do. Instead of a little slap on the baby’s hand, a full-on battle often ensues. Children not trained in obedience are much more difficult to retrain. If parental dominance is taught at an early age, the parents will deal with a more compliant child. Obviously, if the child is taught to respect their parents as early as possible, many negative, dramatic incidents will be avoided. These parents and child episodes are less time-consuming and end in an agreed-upon solution that will set the boundaries for similar situations. On the other hand, the young adult has many more skills and experiences to become a formidable debater to argue their side.
Parents must be in charge to raise respectful and caring people. Listening and following the directions of others while learning social skills will produce mannerly, successful individuals. Putting a youngster on a straight and narrow path leads the individual to more positive relationships with authority figures and most of their peers.
Most children who act out to gain attention initially increase their status with their peers. Although, when authority figures such as teachers, bus drivers, or coaches punish the whole group for the misdeeds of one, the other children will shun the misbehaving child to restore their own privileges and return to a more peaceful status.
In the long run, a well-mannered and appropriate youngster has an easier time fitting into any group. However, the obnoxious child who has not been well trained to act appropriately suffers in social situations.
Almost everyone loves a mannerly person who respects the rights of others by acting correctly in different settings. Parents are the ultimate trainers to help ensure a positive future for their children. Dominance training is when the parents demand that the child behaves appropriately. This is the way that parents can make it happen.
Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers and blogs, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. Dr. Maglio is an author of weekly newspaper articles, INVASION WITHIN and the latest book entitled, IN CHARGE PARENTING In a PC World. You can see many of Dr. Maglio’s articles at www.drmaglioblogspot.com.